All you have is you

I cried myself to sleep that night. Everything felt wrong. The thought of waking up next morning was a punishment. I wanted to end it all there. I thought of all the things happening to me, they didn’t seem okay. Nothing was okay. Nobody stayed. Everybody wondered what was up with me. Nobody stood by me. After all I wasn’t the same person they became friends with. I engrossed myself in things I thought I would never do. I felt alone in a room full of people. I felt pain that no words could describe. It became a habit to be alone. It became a habit to not be okay. I spent nights crying, silently. I’d cry with my mouth covered so that nobody could hear me. I’d cry in pain. I’d cry like I was dying. At the end of the day my tears were all I had. I realized it then, nobody stays. All I have is me. I can trust only me. Nobody cares about me like I do. I woke up feeling lighter. I did not expect anybody to be with me but my own self. I grew, I grew into a better me. I invested more time in me. It was about me for the first time and not about others. It was about what I wanted to do and not about what others wanted me to do. I was free from my own negativity. And did I cry after that? Oh no. I was free.

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It’s time

When you’re leaving a place you get this strange feeling you know, you start missing the people and the place even before you leave. The place and people have a great impact on you, so when you’re leaving you realize you’re not going to be the same person anymore. Not only will you miss the people you lived with but also the person you’re now. When you’re leaving you want to feel everything again for the last time. You want to go to your school for the last time, you want to meet every person you know for the last time, you want to go to your hangout spot for the last time, everything again, for the last time. Last times either bring happiness or sorrow. Last time to school is sad, last time to your hangout spot is sad, last time to the exam centre is – well, I don’t have to say :3. And when you are about to depart every step feels heavy, every embrace feels like all the goodbyes ever told to you coming back at you together. After you let go and walk away you feel an adrenaline rush, your heart sinks but you also know it’ll survive and swim back. You feel the zest of the beginning of a new adventure. It’s time for you to have a change in your life, it’s time for you to be a new person – a person better than you were yesterday. It’s time to leave. My friend, it’s time to start a new story.

What disappears isn’t love

She pulled him in her arms and felt his breath, looked into his eyes and got closer to them. They could hear each other’s heartbeat, could feel their breath calming. He felt her smooth skin under her shirt. She held his jaw line and kissed his lips. They kissed like they couldn’t get enough of their love. Her smooth hair tickled his cheek. He paused and smiled and kissed her again. They slipped themselves under the blanket, hugging each other. They made love, for the last time. He knew he was leaving her. She fell asleep in his arms. He slipped silently at the break of dawn. She woke up at the sound of a gunshot and understood he was gone. He was shot in the chest. He smiled and breathed for the last time. She ran towards the woods and saw him lying dead. Last night was the last night of love. She fell on her knees next to him, his dead body. She felt his half warm body, that was cuddled up in her arms last night. She was told he had to be shot. They couldn’t, after all, leave a criminal alive for too long. She was mistaken to be listening to the words spoken to her. He was soulless, so was she. They breathed their last breath together. It was over, they were gone.

He would take a bullet for you ✨

The time you met him first, maybe you were already in love with some one else or maybe you did not believe in love at first sight or that click when you see someone so good. When you were busy day dreaming in classes he was busy dreaming about a life together with you. When you were crying about being ugly because none of your selfies came out well, he was looking at that one tagged picture of yours on Facebook and smiling because for him you’re beautiful. When you were seeing other guys who clearly weren’t good for you, he was jealous but made sure you weren’t in trouble because of him. Maybe you noticed him or full well knew he wanted you, you liked the attention and care. Maybe you took him for granted. When you were busy being you he was falling for you. “He” is that guy who intentionally/unintentionally never caught your attention. Maybe he’s used to being taken for granted. Maybe this time it’s not affecting him at all or maybe it’s eating him up inside. Maybe your trust has been broken a thousand times but this time you have met the right one. He is the one. He would take a bullet for you.

A dreamer that didn’t give up.

End of the year and it’s time for the “New year new me” posts flooding your Facebook and Instagram news feeds. Oh no! Well, it’s funny how we are enthusiastic about our new year resolutions in the beginning but by December we give up and are there, sitting on the couch. Sitting on the couch, munching Nachos with cheese sauce. What about that diet chart and workout routine? Still wasting time on cellphones, fighting with our partners because they liked someone’s dp, we don’t like. What about letting go of stupid people, wasn’t that one of your resolutions too? Oh, life is difficult isn’t it?

Well after giving up on resolutions, do you still think that you’re going to get anywhere in life? Do you still say you’d crack that exam? Pfft. Well, no. That ain’t going to happen. Some of us give up on dreams/resolutions because we look how far we’ve to go, not how far we have come. Some dreams are given up, some are crushed, some are not worked hard on. People who think that they’re going to get what they want without working hard are the ones that don’t know there’s always someone who is grinding that extra hour while they sleep/party. Irrespective of what comes our way, out of us, who make it through the problems and opposition are the ones that will be telling their struggle stories to the world and inspiring many others. Who do you want to be? A dreamer or a dreamer that ‘did not’ give up? Really, do not give up on dreams just because someone says you can’t. Someone’s comment should actually be one of the many reasons you accomplish.

“Be happy for what you have while you work for what you want.”

 

Some regrets stay forever.

It’s weird how anyone can leave behind a void in your life when they die. It could be anyone; it could be an aunty that goes to the same departmental store as you. You might have got used to see her every weekend but when you don’t, you wonder where she would be. When you come to know she’s no more, you have this sensation of tiny needles poking your heart, though she was no family to you. The whole thing leaves you thinking about them. You think of how alive they were and how they’re not, anymore. That body, that used to walk around with a soul is now rotting somewhere with no mark of life. The very thought of death sends a chill down everyone’s spine.

This was about someone who is a stranger (or maybe a half-known person). When a family member dies, it’s worse (maybe the worst?). When a family member dies they leave behind a whole lifetime of memories to think about. They leave behind a void you can’t come over, because they are blood. Life would be much easier if we could meet our dear ones, even after death.  A son wouldn’t bury his face in a pillow and cry thinking of his mother, a thousand souls would tell us how they were killed or things they never told anyone. Most importantly, no one would have regrets, regrets about not being able to meet someone for the last time, or not being able to tell how much you loved someone.

Some regrets are buried within you and some are buried with you. This is why I say,

“Some regrets stay forever.”

Candidly Random.

That random feeling when you talk to someone and feel all happy. Someone who just lights up your face when they ping or call you up or meet. It’s like they seem more charming to you than what others think they do. No matter after how many days you talk to them you feel like you’ve been in touch since ages.

They make you feel good about yourself. These people are really rare, REALLY REALLY rare. I call them my Favorites. You need exactly these sort of people in your life. People who make you laugh when you don’t even want to smile. People don’t meet you by accident they’re meant to cross your path for a reason. We all need people who want to know every insignificant bit about you. People you feel love and care for, not always boyfriends/girlfriends but friends, rather soulmates. Life is too short to waste it on people who hate you or rather are jealous because they will never be what you’re, actually in a way that helps you gain confidence (if taken in the right sense) you would want to gain more of goodness in what you do. Now, these Favorites actually help you do so.

This post is for you all who have or are someone’s favorite to know how special you’re to them and what impact you have on their lives. Thanks to all the wonderful people I’ve met and most importantly people who stayed, knowing my flaws and also that I can kill them if they took away my dark chocolates. 🙂

My Favorites.